Monthly Archives: April 2014

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Review

From the studio headquartered in a city that has been destroyed 28 times by Godzilla comes a sequel to the Spider-Man reboot (A movie that Sony had to make so the evil Disney empire wouldn’t have a chance at the Spider-Man movie rights).


Almost time for the 29th, mis amigos.

Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Mark Zuckerburg’s ex-best friend) has been enjoying the rest of his high school career, and stopping crime in New York City since he defeated Dr. Curt Connors/Lizard.  He has also been in a relationship with Gwen Stacy (Girl that loves Help) for a while now. Peter promised Gwen’s dad while he died that he would stay away from her in order to keep her safe, but no man in their right mind would stay away from a girl that looks like Emma Stone with natural blonde hair.

Don't make promises you can't keep Mr. Parker

The only time this dumb life advice gets a pass is when you have a shot with her.

Director Marc Webb—he was destined to make a Spider-Man movie with a name like that– introduces so many villains and plotlines that it was a challenge for the film to pay enough attention to everything. The movie juggles Max Dillon/Electro (Django), a socially awkward engineer for Oscorps Industries, who gets a man crush on Spider-Man after he is randomly saved by him. He later becomes a villain because he’s offended that Spider-Man can’t remember his name amongst the thousands of people that he has helped; it is definitely the best justification for becoming a villain that anyone could have. Rhino (Paul Giamatti) also puts his horn in a few action scenes throughout the movie, and then there is Oscorps Industries itself which creates problems for Spidey indirectly.

At least there is one villain knows how to maximize his electrical powers.

The star villain, who isn’t even the main villain, of the movie is Harry Osborn/Green Goblin (Dane DeHaan). The character is intelligent, smart, the right touch of evil, and DeHaan simply steals every scene he is in. He is Peter Parker’s BFF4eva from childhood, but daddy issues intervened and he was sent to boarding school before he hit puberty. Harry has finally returned after almost a decade to take control of his company, so he finds time to add Peter on Facebook and catch up. He also needs Spider-Man’s blood for personal reasons. Even before he fully becomes the Green Goblin, DeHaan perfectly conveys despair, anger, creepiness, sarcasm, and wit in Harry. He’s more electrifying than Electro himself. DeHaan is already somewhat famous for his great performances in low budget movies, but this summer blockbuster will surely put him on the mainstream map.


 Far and away the apex actor in this movie.

The visuals and action scenes in this movie are mesmerizing when they balance practical effects and CGI. You’ll feel as if you’re Spider-Man’s old buddy, old pal when he’s slinging across New York because of the fluid movement and camerawork. The one scene that stands out above the rest is the Times Square scene between Electro and Spider-Man. Sony and Marvel didn’t drop the ball on this scene as the rising tension, the innocent New York bystanders that wished they had gone to Jersey for once, choreography, and slow-motion camerawork may make you shoot your web too soon due to how outstanding it is. However, when the movie uses too much CGI, it still isn’t advanced enough to look fully immerse you; it feels as if you’re watching a kid play a video game. The computer effects are also used in scenes where you know they could’ve spent some extra time building sets.


He’s got the moves like Spider.

The other great part of this movie is the sizzling chemistry between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone became a couple while about the time they made the first film and the chemistry is palpable. Their ongoing real-life relationship spreads like a spider’s web into their characters’ scenes together. The romantic dialogue was as cheesy as a plate of nachos at times, but they usually pulled it off. Peter and Gwen’s interactions were so charged that you could feel the audience’s spider-sense tingling in all directions.

This video speaks for itself.

It’s too bad that very time the movie did something well, it would shock itself in the foot. The movie was good and even great at times, and sometimes it was even bad; it was never consistent. There was enough content in the story to make this movie as long as Titanic. This lack of focus and the rushed plotlines turned a heartfelt ending into a commercial for the next movie. I was ready to name this as the superhero movie to beat this summer until the last few minutes.

TL;DR: A movie that has some gripping acting and dialogue from a few of its stars, special effects that sometimes felt real and spectacular, but also stumbles from trying to do too much. It could’ve been truly amazing, but it got tangled up in its own web and never consistently reached those New York-skyscraper heights.

I give The Amazing Spider-Man 2 a review score of Almost Left Its Mark.

Leonardo Oscar




Noah Review

Darren Aronofsky has brought you movies about moral downfalls (Requiem For A Dream), a love story about water (The Fountain), and lesbian swans. Now he’s decided to give you a beautifully-directed film about a downfall of water on a morally bankrupt Earth where only straight swans will be saved.


This movie is about a fountain, right?

Russell Crowe stars as Noah in Hollywood’s non-fictional film based on the story of Noah’s Ark.  As a young boy, Noah is about to grab his father’s snake when Tubal-Cain (Ray Winstone) and his men appear. Noah hides as his father sacrifices himself to save him. This experience traumatizes Noah, so he avoids society at all costs for the rest of his life.


He found time to steal John Nash’s wife though.

Now a husband and father with three sons and an adopted mudblood named Ila, Noah goes all A Beautiful Mind. He starts having visions that warn of a future disaster. Noah decides to ask his grandfather Methuselah (Non-Cannibal Anthony Hopkins) for advice, so he is given a Mexican jumping bean. He spreads the seed on a plain, and a forest that would make Dunder Mifflin jealous appears. With the help of fallen angels (Optimus Prime and the Autobots), Noah uses the forest to build the Ark over a decade.


He is the only reason I am. He is all my reasons.

Close to finishing the Ark, Noah now has to deal with the fact that there is only one woman for his three sons. Emma Watson plays adult, infertile Ila who is in love with Noah’s eldest son, Shem. This makes Ham (Logan Lerman), Noah’s second oldest son, very jealous and bitter whenever he’s a Peeping Tom. Ham asks his father to stop cockblocking him and find him a wife before the disaster.


You already had her once. Give someone else a chance. Someone like me.

Throughout the rest of the movie, Noah’s goals are: finish building the Ark, find wives for his children, deal with his wife’s nagging about his lack of compassion, fight people who are trying to steal the Ark, collect two of each species, survive a flood, restart human civilization, and file TPS reports. This movie is flooded with plotlines! The Creator is the type of boss that fires people in their company, and then expects you to do other people’s jobs for the same salary. Didn’t he consider outsourcing at least?

Aronofsky obviously had to take a lot of creative liberties to turn this story into an epic film, and he made his vision a reality. The acting is decent, but it has some moments of greatness in intense scenes. There are decisions that will have you asking yourself if you would do the same as the characters. Would you share like you were taught to do in Kindergarten?

This is essentially the Creator’s reaction to humans.

Whether or not you believe this story, you’ll be entertained for over two hours with gorgeous landscape shots, time lapses, and Hermione’s magic. You’ll see a striking rendition of the First Seven Days. You’ll wonder if PETA is okay with the Ark’s conditions. And you’ll enjoy the battles for survival and control of the Ark. It might not be a must-see film, but you won’t regret watching it.

I give Noah a score of Are You Not Entertained?!?